Summer is finally here so it’s time to take a good long slurp of nourishing Huel, get to the park for some Jogacise, reset all the privacy settings on your networked devices to ‘Scrape My Data Baby!!, and re-pitch your Ryan Adams and R Kelly collection to 432Hz to keep the vibrational level sweet… or just don’t, and get yourself along to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH where you can just lay back and relax safe in the knowledge that Luke “Isosceles” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Equilateral” Thomas (drms) will be building a genuinely strong and stable musical refuge for you all out of hot sweet swinging music, aided to some degree by me on bass, to store up strength against the oncoming tide of tedious life-sapping drivel that is threatening to engulf us all, as the final shitstorm approaches and our elected representatives bravely start blaming each other for everything, like a bunch of slightly drunk middle aged divorcees trapped in a broken-down Leyland Princess on the side of the A34 returning from a disappointing pub lunch, trapped in a sweaty hell smelling of vinyl seats, scotch eggs and their own farts… leave them to it, don't be tempted to dash off some hastily configured meaningful contributions to pour petrol on the heaps of smouldering social pile-ons about Jezza and Tezza and imaginary transgender antisemites (those crazy guys!) that are stinking up the meedjasphere, grab your translucent shimmering wings, fix them to your tired shoulders and come spiralling up with us into the limitless cerulean where music is free and so will you be too, don’t miss out, it’ll be very
Feeling browned off? Yoga classes and DryVeganuary just reproachfully fading memories? Valentine’s didn’t deliver? Get back on-trend by starting a splinter group from your book club, or negotiating some wonderful free-trade deals with your nearest Londis, or looking in the mirror to see if there’s a funny tinge, or denying all responsibility for everything, or by doing none of those things and sashaying down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH where we’ll be building a shelter from the howling storm of idiocy that’s swirling ever closer and fending off the bad vibes with an impenetrable shield of hot swinging music thanks to the strength and integrity of men like Luke ‘King Of Kings’ Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz ‘The Fresh Prince Of Forest Row’ Thomas (drms) as they lay out the good grooves and hot licks, aided by me on bass as per, plus whatever incognito genuises blow in out of the psychic storm to join us, and the inimitable Bee’s team standing by to fulfil your requests for the finest hooch known to humanity.. Come and join us, it won’t be long now, not long now, the world is turning on its axes, one man struggle while another relaxes, out across the distant fields the sap may quicken in the rimy hedgerows but the change is still to come…
Only 47 more panic buying days left till we can all board our fleet of imaginary ferries and sail merrily away upon the silvery seas of Brexmas for ever and ever, into a future consisting entirely of roseate dawns and gift-wrapped promises made by Bozza out of gummi bears and oxycontin.. in the meantime don’t let you needy little feeds neg you out, throw them in the virtual sea and get your badass corporeal self along to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH where we’ll be weaving a web of protective musical mojos against the coming iterations of unspeakable awfulness advancing towards us like a phalanx of slavering Chopes, all senility and entitlement, but powerless against the limitless vibe of man like international beach operative Luke ‘Toubab’ Rattenbury (gtr) and covert operative Loz ‘Deep Forest’ Thomas (drms), plus me doing whatevs on the bass, and whomsoever has chosen to manifest themselves tonight on this vibrational level as the Bee’s Team, ready to make with the liberal measures of top quality hooch… there’ll be a whole bunch of good stuff going down, so don’t just stand aghast at the matchless irl sh*tposting of lollygaggging bad faith on daily display from our elected representatives and their so-called ‘leaders’ as they bob around helplessly on the oily seas of parliamentary subterfuge… where are the feasts we were promised? Where is the wine, the new wine, where is the old wine? dying on the vine… don’t gwt mad, get on down, pump up the jams, pump it up a little more… get the party going on the dance floor, seek us that's where the party's at… and you'll find out if you're too bad…
Isn’t February just the ginchiest? U know, snow, cold, dark, football, fare hikes, Russell Brand, the undermining of the basic tenets of liberal welfare democracy at the hands of surveillance capitalists, Maroon 5, Brexit Brexit Brexit trundling through the wintry dark like a giant rail replacement bus full of screaming self-interested nitwits being sick in each other’s handbags… thank MC 900 Ft Jesus for JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH as it comes swaggering back into the saloon ready to right some wrongs in your immediate vibrational ambit thanks to the superhuman skills of special guest star Oli “Crime & Punishment” Howe tickling up the weighted ivory-alikes for your edification, and Loz “The Possessed” Thomas thumping the hell out of the traps while riding the tightrope between technical virtuosity and pure animal spirits, plus me as usual doing whatevs on bass and the ascended masters of the highest octave known round these parts as the Bee’s Team waiting in shimmering interdimensional splendour behind the well-stocked bar.. what beings, fey or fell, will enter through the swinging portal tonight? Step forward, hesitant, confident, full of rude anxious vitality, to shake their ruffled metallic plumage or tawny mane of rain-peaked fur, strike the threshold with their brazen clattering claws or sidle in softly on tattered pads or splintered hoofs, their eyes hooded, aflame, dulled with nameless care or alive with fierce intelligence, ready to lift their voices above the lurid warm fug and and smash out a peerless chorus of “Airegin” or something like that… soon enough things are gonna move, the sap rises as feather footed through the plashy fen passes the questing vole, but tonight it’s gonna be fine, let’s get on it and get into it.