Well, that was quick, wasn’t it? As you find yourself unable to frame any sort of adequate response to the streams of high-velocity molten bullshit shooting out from the Great Orange Abscess across the water, apart from wondering whether to delete your Uber app or not, you may well wonder if we have actually finally reached the state promised by Dr Tom Lehrer where we’re beyond satire... fortunately JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH is still around to provide an anchor of hot swinging musical continuity in a fast-changing world, so stop gazing glumly at your stupid Fake News feed and wondering in a disempowered way what absurd retrogressive step is going to come crawling across the screen next, or re-framing the special relationship as something akin to the bond between flies and dogsh*t - go and join your nearest protest, then go and get your life-affirming self down to where the tireless team of Luke “Million Man” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Spartacus” Thomas (drms) will be kicking up a fuss and keeping the flame of musical positivity alive in the interests of you and me and the good times... I’ll be there on bass, Jack and his radiant team of heavenly creatures will be dispensing quality liquors and good cheer from behind the well-stocked bar, all kinds of the nameless creatures of the night will drift in and out but all are welcome as long as they don’t harsh the vibe cos that’s the way we run it... grab your axe and come and sit in with us, keep the faith, don’t lose the feeling.
OMG! Still swamped with ALL the feels after the most bigly presidential inauguration broadcast since, like, ever? Still trying to push up the metrics on your flagging socials, waiting for your data to be harvested, watching Mrs May going hard hard hard on the singles market like a demented Tinder addict? You need some alternative facts, Jack, so empower yourself with a pink vagina hat* and march on over to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH to dig on some of the hot swinging music that’s already brewing up thanks to the tirelessly inventive mojos workin’ away for Luke ‘Mr Hands” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz ‘Million Dollar Baby” Thomas (drms) ... Mr Jack and his newly refreshed Bee’s team will be waiting in the scented shadows with libations of the finest liquors known to man, so let the carnival of grotesque buffoons continue on it’s tackily gaudy way through the barren stasis of the bleak midwinter to it’s inevitably messy end ... who cares if you’ve done your tax return or not, throw caution to the winds, outside in the blasted hedgerow the sap is already commencing it’s slow rise, Fortuna’s wheel is ever spinning, the fakers gonna fake fake fake and the haters gonna hate hate hate but we’re just gonna shake shake shake it out.
Nothing like a little inauguration to get you through the gloomy days of winter.. There's some difficulty with the entertainment apparently, but much as we appreciate ungrammatical Twitter tsunamis of vindictive drivel, we won't be able to oblige because JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE'S MOUTH is kind of a full-time commitment for guys with the freedom-loving credentials of Luke 'Fifth Amendment' Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz 'Fifth Element' Thomas (drms) and anyway the main guy is apparently a bit of a bad payer.. So why not take a break from the fascinating spectacle of the NHS buckling under the sheer quantity of bullsh*t being slung at it by our unelected representatives, and get down to let it all hang out with us .. Sip a little liquor, dig the vibes, get with the beat, remember ars longa, vita brevis an all that jazz... It's not over yet, oh no, oh no.
Commuters! Still struggling in a mewling clusterf*ck up the failing lines, like the mucus congesting the sinuses of a million returning schoolchildren? Feel like just giving up? Jump on your hoverboard and mosey over to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEES MOUTH to get a glimpse of a different world, far from the dreary squabbles of the preposterous meat puppets that have somehow become elevated to positions of worldly power or online supremacy .. We'll be doing our timeless non-materialistic swing-to-bop-to-whatever thing along to the killer grooves of Luke 'terminator' Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz 'the herbaliser' Thomas (drms) plus me on bass, and the ever-genial ROB HOGG will be presiding behind the well-stocked bar, deep within the scented shadows, safe from spreadsheets, replacement bus services, vloggers, joggers and bloggers... Haters gonna hate, fakers gonna fake, we're just gonna shake it out, so get with the beat daddi-o.
Are you still trying to squeeze the last dregs of fun-filled irresponsibility from the limp dishrag of the festive season? Or are you paused with indrawn breath, bracing yourself against the inevitability of the Prolonged Period of Uncertainty that’s bearing down upon us like a massive juggernaut full of horrible bullsh*t, with Fortuna blithely texting at the wheel? Don’t freak out, man, cos it’s JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH and the so-fresh-so-clean team of Luke ‘Killa” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz ‘Thrilla” Thomas (drms) are in full effect ready to create an dazzling kaleidoscope of hot swinging sounds to remind us of all the good things stored up just over the effulgent horizon, smeared with the lustrous gold of midwinter... let the revolting carnival of degraded demagogues belch, hoot and gibber their way into the inevitable dustbin of history via the replacement bus service of irrelevance, we’ll be hanging out with the sylphs and dryads of the Bee’s team as they wait languorously in the scented shadows behind the well-stocked bar, grooving on some righteous swing-to-bop-to-whatever, keeping the faith with our own bad selves and generally getting set for the next leg of the journey...Don’t let your hangover hang you up, come along, climb aboard, take a seat, join us, join us..... Bee’s Mouth Western Road 9pm-late.
It’s just so unfair! Here you all are, swimming frantically in a post-truth floodtide of moral relativism, false equivalence, neo-fascist resurgence, fragmented identity politics, sleepwalking environmental catastrophe and gaslighting by the hegemonic elite, and you’re still somehow obliged to buy everyone frickin’ Xmas prezzies? Let JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH re-balance your chakras and restore your pitifully flagging Chi with the sweet swinging sounds of Luke ‘Million Dollar’ Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz ‘Cash Money’ Thomas (drms) as they demonstrate once again that some areas of meaningful human endeavour will always be resistant to automation, and that Artificial Intelligence will never be a substitute for the real thing, cos they’ve got the groove, they’ve got feeling, they’ve got a devil-may-care approach to the tradition, they’ve got me on bass, and the ever-genial ROB HOGG will be live and direct behind the well stocked bar, ready to revive your smashed amour-propre with a goblet of the finest liquor known to man.... only a couple of days before the earth tilts again on it’s axis, in the barren hinterlands of winter a new life starts to stir, hidden deep in the iron buds of the stripped hedgerows, and half sensed in the bitter wind blowing in from across the fields that spread out in the silent darkness beyond the town’s hectic glare... can you feel it? Can you feel it? Join us, let’s keep the flame alive. Bee’s Mouth Western Road 9-11pm.