Bees Mouth - January/February/March/April 2016

4th April

Spring’s sorta here, fumbling at the door like a spannered stop-out searching for their key.. in with the usual migratory avifauna we’ve got a stampede of privatisation, academisation, de-steelification, brexitification and who knows what other fuckery to contend with... if I were you I’d unplug from whatever online sinkhole of despair you’re currently polluting your mind with and get down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH while the going is good, while the wind is fresh in the east and before summer arrives with it’s usual cargo of tattoo-ed nincompoops, and while the talents of Luke “Gotham City” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Spring Break” Thomas (drms) shine eternally undimmed in their dedication to the solid soulful swing ... plus I’ll be there doing something on bass, the enigmatically enchanting Bee’s team will be dispensing libations of the good stuff from behind the well-stocked bar, all manner of fascinating characters may be swept in upon the darkling breeze from the echoing streets outside.... take a chance on life, ride on time, join us, join us.

28th March

As world politics increasingly comes to resemble a terminally unfunny episode of the Muppet show, you may well find yourself quailing in abject terror at the though of whatever grotesque caricature of humanity is about to hoist itself over the murky horizon next, and come lumbering dismally onto the centre stage beating it’s scaly breast and bellowing the latest line in abject bullshit... Luckily JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH is packing more punch that Storm Kate so if the advance of the swivel eyed loons is getting to you, come and bathe your tired cerebellum in the healing current of good vibrations pouring forth from the twin cornucopias borne proudly aloft by Luke “International Man of Mystery” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “The Stig” Thomas (drms), plus me adding my 2 cents on bass, and the wonderful examples of finely evolved humanity that make up the Bee’s team smiling encouragingly at you from behind the well-stocked bar.... all may seem hopeless, mired in government directives, performance based targets and other forms of entirely unnecessary shittiness, but the blossom is thick upon the hawthorn and the voice of the cuckoo will soon ring out across the land, so stuff all the haters, grab your axe down off the shelf and come and join us, let’s try and set the night on fire. If Nicky Morgan’s made any new friends at the Conference centre, she should bring the along; if not she’s welcome to come and weep quietly by herself.  

21st March

Poor Mr IDS, so overcome by his sensitivity to the needs of the differently abled that he found it impossible to speak out on their behalf until now.. he should have got his sorry ass down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEES MOUTH, cos it’s the place where you can be yourself and do your thing, man, as the magic team of Luke “New York, New Dorp” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “The Vibe” Thomas (drms) spin their web of musical enchantment to set your mojo free, aided by me on bass back from my odyssey around the nation’s IBIS hotels, while the peerless, ever-smiling Bee’s team dispense libations from their extensive array of premium liquors, and the many children of the night mill around in the chilly echoing streets outside.... leave the city’s anxious parents to plan retributive massacres over catchment areas, let the cold winds wither the crocuses, let the stock markets quiver like startled hinds as the raging Brexit monster crashes incoherently around in the surrounding thickets - we’ll be having ourselves a time, so grab your axe down off the shelf and come and join us. 

15th February

Nothing lasts for ever - even the delights of the increasingly apposite application of cockney rhyming slang to our Health Secretary seem to pall as the joke simply isn’t funny any more… even Mrs Puffy’s most frantically energetic, politically empowered dance routines aren’t bringing justice to the masses - even pansexual superheroes just seem drab and needy - don’t give up, Sailor Ripley, get yourself along to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH cos those tireless underground A-listers Luke “Iron Man” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz ‘Captain America” Thomas (drms) are set and ready to revitalise your mojo with their hard swinging sound that’s contemporary AND classic, Daddio-o…. I’ll be returning on bass, picking up the baton from the transcendental maestro Nigel Thomas who’s been smashing it these last few weeks, any number of mystery cats might blow in off the streets, before you know it you’ll be feeling that the air is alive, trembling with the sheer weight of the endless immanence of causality, sending a big load of good jams your way as the stars above you spin past and the surrounding mesh of space/time flexes under the intergalactic stress of gravitational waves from a pair of waltzing black holes far far away… get a spring in yer step and come on down, join us, join us. 

11th January

Modern life, eh? No sooner are the festive decorations packed away than it hits your right in the face, and you’re sat weeping on the floor trying to listen to Ace Of Spades and Ziggy Stardust simultaneously, surrounded by your pathetic attempts at a tax return... I reckon the Thin White Duke would have been happy to see you chuck it in and get on down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTHwhere you can dive headfirst into the revitalising torrent of music, springing eternally forth thanks to the untiring efforts of Luke “Black Star” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “The Man Who Sold The World on Gumtree” Thomas (drms) ... forget all this tiresome reshuffling of endless guff and get with the beat, baggy buddy, cos the elfin, otherwordly Bee’s team are ready and waiting with the good liquors, the lights are dim, the spinning head is dressed to impress just for you, the vibe is in the air tonight, all night, you can be the young americans. Come early to get a glimpse of the Loz 2.0 new wheels and traps combo. 

4th January

Whether you’re still totally high on goofballs from your epic NYE, or staring stoically at the rain waiting for the school run, there’s no escaping the fact that another year has begun …good or bad, happy or sad, the anticipation is simply too much, which is why you should just hang up your hangups and head down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH where everyone’s favourite pre-millennials Luke “New Jam” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Boomtime” Thomas will be cutting a musical rug with their hip swinging blues-to-bop-and-beyond shizzle, aided by me on bass, while the Bee’s team weave their customary skein of ageless magic from the dimly lit, half-guessed space behind the well-stocked bar, and the fearless habitués gather yet again to celebrate yet another successful cheating of Fortuna’s maleficent wheel…. it’s a good life if you don’t weaken, so come and join us, pump up the jam, this beat is techno-tronic.