Maybe it's raining. Maybe you don't have a car. Maybe you're feeling part of the 'left behind', you can't afford the new iPhone but you're scared of androids, you feel like Warren Beatty just opened your golden envelope? JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE'S MOUTH is on hand to put a spring back into your step and a statuette into you sad little hands as they paw at the empty air, cos we've got the baddest non-gender specific gangster team since Bonnie and Clyde ready to lay out some choice musical bootlegs, namely Oli 'Raskolnikov' Howe on the virtual ivories and Loz 'Prince Oblonsky' Thomas on drums, aided by me on bass, while the transplendent Bee's Team wait, oscillating imperceptibly in the velvet dusk with a selection of the finest liquors ready known to humanity... Don't let the haters get you down or the fakers split you up, don't sit at home glued to the screen as Cambridge Analytica harvest your poor cowering data and send it off to the salt mines of Siberia, grab your axe down off the shelf and come and join us, it's like a rally only without all the horrible b*llshit, just the warm feeling of inclusion...
There's a massive protest kicking off in town of indignant monarchists determined to protect the modesty of our queen from the Orange Outrage.. Too bad you couldn't be there, but don't get all sheepish and defensive, cos JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE'S MOUTH is on hand to let you express your solidarity with the good sh*t and your contemptuous disregard for the bad sh*t by getting down to the sweet sounds of swinging freedom as delivered by special guest Al "There's Another Beauty" Scott (pno) and Loz "The Baddest Judge" Thomas (drms) as they show what the expression 'fine tuned machine' is actually supposed to mean, aided by me on bass, as the radiant dryads and naiads of the Bee's team wait, poised, shimmering gently in the perfumed liminal space behind the well-stocked bar.. We all know the State Visit is going to happen anyway, it's all about expressing yourself, as the light quickens then dies in the west over the oily sea, the earth shudders on its axis, Venus ascends into the deepening blue, the breath of spring fans against your chapped tear-stained cheeks, and Fortuna's wheel continues to spin through the airless void of infinite possibility, don't get mad, get with it, grab yer axe down off the shelf and come and join us.
Here you are, artlessly roaming in digital wonderland, all lost and excited in BAFTAS and Grammys and stuff, going all La-La land over that groovy Mr Loach and his super-stylish parka - I know, what a statement! - and you’ve forgotten all about Valentines Day! Either that or you were just too ground down by the relentless tide of suffocating bullshit as the Prolonged Period of Uncertainty really girds it’s unwholesome loins and gets real.. JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH is on hand to alleviate your on-line and offline woes; forget all that cornball single red rose and expensive pasta meal schtick, what non-gender-specific significant life partner could fail to be thrilled by the prospect of a pre-Valentines date spent being serenaded by those monsters of post-bop swing Luke “Laser Beam” Rattenbury (gtr) and special guest Angus Bishop (drms) as they smash together another life-affirming mashup of jazz/bop/soul/latinfunk/whatever, aided by me on bass, as the fragrant and irrepressible Bee’s team hover vibrating imperceptibly in the scented shadows behind the well-stocked bar, and the nameless denizens of the night drift in from the moonless blackness.... listen ........ step outside.... can you hear, above the tide’s retreating roar over the bitter shingle, the faint sussuration, high and icy, of the stars vibrating in their orbits in the measureless gulf of space? No? Maybe it’s your migraine coming back... come inside, it’s warm, the music will flow like wine, old friends are on the way, it’s going to be alright, join us, join us.
Ok, no messing about - this week we’re getting with the program and going with the flow, so it’s time to double down, speak up, take back control, go forward, sideways and upwards but always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom... grab a handful of the most aggressively assertive prepositions you can and smash them any old how onto some verbs and then take the whole lot down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH where you can revel in the alternative facts being presented with love and humanity by the media maestros Luke “I’d Buy That For a Dollar” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “United States Of Mind” Thomas (drms) through the medium of good good music..I’ll be there on bass, the gently radiant beings of the Bee’s team will be waiting with smooth skins and glowing eyes in the scented darkness behind the well-stocked bar...... the internet is making idiots out of us all, so stop gazing open mouthed as the Great Orange Boil gargles and gesticulates all over your compromised newsfeed, quit writing those compromising e mails, delete your search history as far as your puny mortal powers allow you, finally tear your depressingly pointless Linkedin account into tiny bits, and come and join us in the four-dimensional sensory-surround, unrepeatable non-downloadable ineffable uncontrollable inexhaustible NOW... Don't cower miserably at home with a pretend headache like poor Ms Abbott, grab yer axe down off the shelf and come and sit in... you’ll feel good and so will we.