28 Feb
There are times when you feel empowered, a contender, hanging with your own bad self, riding the wave of history towards the sunlit sandy shores, and there are also times when you feel like an abject cowering ball of jangling overstimulated nerve ends confronting the end of your puny existence as it looms before your bulging bloodshot eyeballs… by all means carry on doomscrolling if you think it helps, but also get your sorry mortal ass along to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH because you can depend upon it that man like Luke “Svarozhits” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Rugievit” Thomas (drms) will be playing licks like lightning and grooves like rolling thunder, while I will be in between their fire and ice, like lukewarm water, doing something or other on bass, the ascended beings of the Bee’s team will be waiting as they are always waiting in the scented dusk behind the well-stocked bar to minister unto your needs with libations of the finest liquors known to man, and all around the various denizens of the night, the young and hopeful and beautiful, the aged and gnarled and disillusioned, the tryers and the keepers, the quick and the dread, everyone in their own right place in this time we have to share together for a while, will assemble to get into it and do their thing, once again…tear your horrified gaze away from the slo-mo disaster unfolding on your tiny chattering screen, ignore what the haters and fakers are trying to push into your eyes, cos the stars are bright overhead, the blossom is upon the blackthorn, the calls of the greenfinches are heard again upon the hill, and you can really just grab yer axe down off the shelf one more time and come and join us, what’s to lose?21st Feb
Hey caregivers, grownups, significant others, birthing people, chestfeeders, and sundry non-denominational bodies with whatever organs you’ve picked from the great cosmic Easy Hours Store of destiny, is the burden of wokeness becoming too heavy to advance/resist? Are you too morally compromised, too inexperienced, too involved, or just too plain pooped to figure out what you need to be outraged at? Time to get whatever it is you think you are along to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH so you can to tune out all the chatter and online negging and tune in to your own bad unique glorious self by letting it all hang out in the steady radiance emanating from man like Luke “The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “The Dumpling” Thomas (drms) as they lay out an endless stream of cool grooves and hot licks to bring you back to the eternal now, basking as on the warm sands upon the banks of a mighty flowing river, the breeze heavy with the scent of possibilities, unknown birds wheeling high overhead, the cries of the river traders rising above the water’s ceaseless murmur…. sounds good, doesn’t it, so tear your poor overhyped eyeballs away from those Russian Slap youtubes, tear your earpods out and leave them dripping Rogan all over the floor, , leave your Truth Social sign-up for another darker day, block out the threat of impending Euro war for a few more hours, step bravely forward into the wind-scoured streets … I’ll be there, the Bee’s team will be there, the music-and-blunt guy will be there mouthing and gesturing through the glass, the pale faced creatures of the night will shuffle past on their nameless missions, honoured guests may step inside to sit in and do their esteemed thing… all will be well, come down and let’s do a thing. Concerned Tory Councillors welcome if you think you can take it…
14th Feb
Have your plans for calendrically mandated romance been thwarted by current global instability? Citybreak in Kyiv inexplicably cancelled, Dutch hothouse roses wilting away in import/export bureaucratic limbo, favourite aphrodisiac restaurant succumbed to COVID, strippergram seized by immigration officials etc? Simply hurry your intended off to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH where those paragons of amour Luke “Theophilus P Wildebeest” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “The Walrus Of Love” Thomas (drms) will be on hand, making good the global passion deficit with their unflagging devotion to the constant creation of hot licks and cool grooves to restore your faith and confidence in the nobility of the universe… I will be doing something or other on bass to reassure all that this is indeed the best of all possible worlds, the ascended masters of the Bee’s team will be waiting in the velvet fog behind the well-stocked bar with all manner of aphrodisiac potions, an array of special guests may interrupt their own well-laid plans of seduction to come and sit in for your enhanced enjoyment, the air will be laden with the intoxicating scent of possibility…. be you dating, married, playa or self-partnered, all are welcome, and as Saint Valentine himself is also the patron of epileptics and beekeepers we’ll reserve some space for those guys as well… don’t miss out, it’ll be very.
7th Feb
What a great time to be an energy CEO, to be called Guto, to sing “I Will Survive” as the nation tightens its belt, to order new wallpapers, to move your troops hither and thither in the snowy hinterland, to be skiing n curling n figure skating etc in jolly authoritarian dictatorships, to sign a celebrity podcaster without actually listening cos you’re a tech bro millionaire so why tho… but what if you’re not hip to any of these options? Why then, JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH might just be the place for you tonite and every Monday nite, so let off a 41 gun salute and give thanks that man like Luke “Boba Fett” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Lando Calrission” Thomas (drms) are there to light up another blazing furnace of hot licks and cool grooves to nourish your flickering inner mounting flame in a way that you know Beeple’s overpriced clip art cartoons never ever will, as I attempt to lend appropriate support and make the world a better place via the medium of hastily configured bass playing, as the imperturbably smiling ascended beings of the Bee’s team stand by with libations of top quality hooch, as Bozza squirms like a greased piglet, as Zuck's empire suddenly falters as it feels the cold hand of mortality upon its' virtual shoulder, as the denizens of the night emerge from their lairs to stand twitching, mouthing prayers and invocations and flickering in and out of focus just outside the steamy windows under the bitter starlight, the king crabs scuttle ever closer under the inky sea… are you lonely, are you lost, are you warm, are you real, are you standing on the rooftops having it ready to go ready to go? Grab yer axe off the shelf and come sit in, or just bring your own bad self, let’s have a time, we’re not through yet, not by a long way.