Fidel’s secret wardrobe is finally opened, to reveal a range of snazzy hawaiian shirts, tuxedos and spangled jumpsuits.. Anonymous hackers claim responsibility for Black Friday.. The Trump announces that he actually loves those gayers and mexicoids, but he’s deffo going to get tough on alien abductions starting NOW.. who knows what the hell is going to happen next? It’s enough to send you a bit Kanye, so best get down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH before anything else happens, and relax in the certainty that Luke “Improbability Drive” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “42” Thomas (drms) will be ready and waiting to spin their web of musical enchantment with the hottest slickest grooves in town, aided by me on bass, plus a whole cast of musos, winos, wierdos, psychonauts, cosmic voyagers, dweebs, hucksters, shills, barkers, plus our valued regulars and the peerless Bee’s team, lurking in the scented shadows behind the well-stocked bar like the very embodiment of your secret desire... don’t let it get to you, get to it first, then grab yer axe down off the shelf and come and join us, celebrate, let’s have a good time.
Here you are, thrashing about in the septic swamp of post-factual infotainment, ears ringing from the endless trumpery being trumpeted about by the malign chorus of fake news outlets, or ‘liars’ as we used to call them in the the pre-digital age, eyes blinking in the pitiless glare reflected from the golden lift, nostrils smarting from the acrid friction stench of ineffectual liberal handwringing... JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH is on hand to throw you a lifeline, as those stalwart heroes of the groove Luke ‘Luke’ Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz ‘Loz’ Thomas (drms) throw down an endless stream of all-inclusive soulful swinging music, aided by me on hastily reconfigured bass, and the diverse and tolerant Bee’s team wait in the fragrant shadows that still cluster behind the well-stocked bar, despite the chill winds blowing in from the Prolonged Period Of Uncertainty, ready to hand over a healing libation of top-quality liquor... don’t sit at home hypnotised by the glowing screen, giving up the meagre details of your insignificant existence to be harvested by the malignant Chthulu-type entities who lurk in the interstices of the digital flow, reducing you to a dreary little pile of stats ready to be mis-interpreted by the blind gibbering augurs who compile opinion polls or traded by some algorhythm that no-one even understands anymore .... grab yer axe down off the shelf and come and join us out here in the torrid joyful jungles of meatspace, come try it, you’ll like it.
The reality of the prolonged period of uncertainty is such that it’s beyond the power of the most exquisitely composed Facebook post to pour calming oil upon the troubled waters without it resembling Deepwater Horizon.. Lehrer declared satire to be dead thanks to Kissinger, but now the Trump has revived it and is dancing the mambo with it’s rotting corpse around his gold-plated elevator, while Farage gargles out swivel-eyed yelps of applause - let JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH provide a haven of consistency in a fast-changing world thanks to the unswerving dedication of Luke “String Theory” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Hadron Collider” Thomas (drms) as they shift into another dimension through the glowing portal opened in the space-time continuum by the sheer irresistibility of their subatomic swing, aided by me on terrestrial bass...... let the lambent eyed, sylph-like Bees’ team select a healing libation for you from amidst the mysterious scented shadows behind the well-stocked bar, let the music take control... meanwhile, in the disquieting November warmth spreading it’s unwholesome breath across beleagured Europe, let Ms May screech and flap her dusty wings like a repulsive vulture, let Madame Le Pen pout like a sullen milkmaid, let Putin snicker like a malignant hobgoblin, let’s come together one more time under the super-moon for some music and moonlight, love and romance, let’s face the music and dance.
So there you are, huddled in the suddenly freezing darkness, staring out saucer-eyed as what used to called the Western World slides slowly ever closer towards the gaping gelid maw of the Trump like a medieval vision of hell with added doses of sexual harrassment... it’s a grim old do, alright, so you might as well just cast caution to the winds, say ‘the hell with it’ and get yerself down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH where you can let it all wash away in the healing torrent of soulful swinging music emanating from those supreme justices Luke “Law Lord” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “Court Of Appeal” Thomas as they execute the only will of the people that really matters - to come together for a while, fellow brief candles, before our little lives are rounded with a sleep, enjoy a libation proffered up by the ever-fragrant Bee’s team, catch a vibe, tap yer feet to the ever-present pulse, send a message of hope to your neighbour, remember the dude abides. Bee’s Mouth Western Road 9-11pm.
After a totally intense weekend, adjusting your clean eating, checking your privilege, maintaining your virtue signalling, fighting your FOMO, keeping a sharp eye out for greenwashing, gaslighting and the running dogs of late-stage capitalist oppression, how the hell are you gonna manage to kick back and re-connect with your own bad self? Get down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTHand get your mojo upgraded by the dream team of Luke “TenSnake” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “The Irridescent Explosion” Thomas (drms) as they smash out another tempest of hot swinging blues-to-bop-to-whatever aided by me on the bass thing, as those weavers of dreams who make up the Bee’s team wait patiently amidst the scented shadows bearing libations of the finest liquors known to humanity, while the last drops of the season’s sweet wine drain slowly from the bleaching sky and the swallows skitter upon the chilling updraughts, the fading dome resounding to their wild cleansing cacophony of tiny cries, ready to depart but not yet, not yet, we’re not over yet... join us as we promise to trigger a musical article 50 under your weary souls, let’s take control ... Bee’s Mouth Western Road 9pm-late.
Listen, there’s simply not the time these days, what with dedicating yourself to full-time gender-fluid attachment parenting whilst embracing the gig economy, building your social capital, taking ayahuasca, remembering what day the recycling goes out and trying to figure out if C-Beebies is just another example of outrageous media bias.... don’t freak out, baby, just drag your 21-st century ass down to JAZZ NIGHT AT THE BEE’S MOUTH and let it all hang out to the exciting sounds of now as delivered by Luke “The Truth” Rattenbury (gtr) and Loz “The Light” Thomas (drms) plus me on bass, and the supernaturally lithe and tanned Bee’s team, standing by to fulfill all your exotic beverage requests.... there’s room for everyone, let’s build bridges not walls, let the music take control... Bee’s Mouth Western Road 9pm-late.